Messed Up Read online

  “So true,” I concurred.

  One of Levi’s friends whom I didn’t recognized walked up just then. He was larger than the typical high schooler, and seemed somehow older. Something about him was familiar, but it took a second for me to place it. Then all at once it occurred to me, I knew those unusual amber colored eyes. I’d seen them before, behind a black mask that night at Vistas. So being the total hypocrite that I am, I hated him instantly.

  “Levi. Are we going to do this?” he asked sounding annoyed.

  “Yeah. Bryce come with me,” Levi instructed then turned to Sam, “Stay with Chelsea, would you?” Sam nodded. I considered how under normal circumstances it would have annoyed me intensely to have some guy assigning me a babysitter, but I was so under Levi’s seemingly magic spell, that I actually found it flattering.

  Flattering or not though, I was not about to sit around with Sam all night, even if the alternative was spending time with one of Toby’s freakish capturers, “I’m coming too,” I said getting to my feet. Bryce and the other guy stared at Levi, like dogs waiting for further instructions from their master.

  “Meet me at my car,” Levi directed before taking my hand and leading me toward the house. “Listen,” he said as we walked, “You made me promise not to drag you with me when things could get potentially dangerous, if you expect me to keep that promise, then you’d better stay here.”

  “Where are you going?”

  He looked at me for a long moment as if assessing the situation, and then finally explained, “I’m about to procure enough acid so that ninety-eight percent of this party will be frying balls by nightfall. The guy who sells the stuff isn’t exactly Mr. Rogers.”

  “I’ll stay in the car,” I promised giving him the same look I’d given my parents a thousand times when I wanted something.

  “Fine,” he relented, “but you can’t hold this against me.”

  I sat in the front seat while Bryce and the unknown man-boy rode in the back. The car was quiet, a little tense I thought, as we drove away from the river. I considered the purpose of this little journey. Should I be concerned that most of the party would be on LSD in a matter of hours? I guessed that Levi would be partaking in the drug induced hallucinations, which would make my getting home a bit of a problem. Maybe I could convince Conner to pick me up. The thought reassured me.

  Situated between Santa Juanita and the Dawson River is a tiny town called Keyser. It has one high school filled with what are generally considered to be hicks. Meaning its students are usually dressed in cowboy hats and /or Daisy Dukes. The houses in Keyser are set on large lots often times festooned with broken down cars and stray cats.

  We drove through the tiny town made apparent only by a short Main Street consisting of a dozen or so lonely looking shops. As we reached the outskirts of town, Levi pulled his car to a stop in the gravel driveway of a single story farm house. The yard was over grown with weeds as tall as the German Shepard that stood staring at us with alert yellow eyes. Off to the side of the main house was a detached garage, which looked as if one strong wind might blow it completely off its foundation.

  We all sat in the car staring at the ramshackle property as Levi sent a text message. Moments later, a skinny kid wearing a Perry the Platypus t-shirt, stuck his head out of the garage’s side door. He focused his eyes on us with a glaring expression and quickly disappeared back into the structure. Less than a minute passed before Levi’s cell buzzed with a text.

  “Shit,” Levi said, slamming his fist on the steering wheel. I could feel everyone in the car jump at his reaction, “You’re going to have to come in with us, Chelsea.”

  “What? Why?” I asked, confused.

  “He’s paranoid. He knows you’re in the car.”

  “I told you not to bring her,” said Mr. No-Name irritably from the back of the car.

  “Shut the fuck up, James,” Levi spat.

  I nodded silently. I honestly couldn’t see what the big deal was. That twerpy little kid who’d just given us the good old once over hardly seemed a threat to Levi’s hulking biceps.

  We all got out without speaking and walked to the door. It seemed to be hanging on for its dear life by half a rusted hinge.

  “Stay behind me, and don’t say anything,” Levi warned me in a hushed but severe tone before knocking.

  A voice told us to enter. The interior of the garage did it’s best to live up to my expectations of where a drug dealer should live. It was dark and hot. Every surface was covered in trash, including but not limited to, molding containers of fast food being picked over by freakishly large flies. The walls were completely covered by graffiti; large cartoonish images of pot leaves, big block lettered swear words, and of course drawings of naked ladies that if they existed in reality wouldn’t be able to walk due to the giganticness of their boobs. The garage had one small window that had been covered by a piece of cardboard. A quarter inch of bright sunlight crept through a hole in the cardboard, sending a shaft of illuminated dust particles across the room. That was the only light, besides the bluish glow from a small TV. In the corner was a dirty mattress with a bedspread that I swear must have contained all three strand of the Hepatitis virus. The air was thick with a pungent odor that smelled like a combination of burning plastic and overly sweet perfume. I instinctually held my breath.

  Sitting in a rust colored reclining chair was a kid who looked like he hadn’t seen food since the late nineties. He was probably in his early twenties, but his emaciated figure, made all the more obvious by the fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt, gave him the impression of being much younger. Despite the fact that it was over a hundred degrees outside, and probably double that inside, he wore a black beanie pulled down just over his eyebrows, with the name Jimmy stitched in Old English across the front. Standing behind him trying his best to look menacing was Perry the Platypus Boy. Neither of them said anything for a moment, but they both twitched as they looked us over.

  “I can’t see her,” rasped Jimmy, sounding like somebody had taken sandpaper to his voice box. Levi reached behind himself to grab my hand and pull me next to him. My eyes bulged as I noticed for the first time that Jimmy had a gun lying on his lap. All of a sudden I was flooded with the realization that I should be scared. Really freaking scared. My heart, finally getting the message, began racing in my chest. Perry the Platypus Boy looked at me, leering, a tiny grin creeping up the sides of his mouth.

  “Take off your shirt,” said Jimmy, and as he did I could see his tongue pass over his cracked lips. I stood frozen, unable to move a single muscle. All I could think about was how much I wished I was sitting on the grass with Sam right now, hell, I’d even take being beat up by Camille if I could make that trade. Why had I insisted on coming on this Godforsaken excursion?

  “Make her!” he shouted. I glanced at Levi out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at Jimmy with a thoroughly disgusted look on his face.

  “Listen,” Levi said calmly, “We have the money. Give us the shit.”

  They both cackled, “Money was going to be fine until you decided to bring along this sweet little thing,” Jimmy said smiling at me, causing Perry the Platypus Boy to break into a fit of giggles. A shiver ran through my body, “Make her take off her fucking shirt,” he repeated more forcefully as he placed his hand on the gun.

  Levi didn’t take his eyes off of the gun as he said, “Do it Chelsea.” My hands began to tremble uncontrollably as big wet tears started to make their way to my eyes. I stood still for a moment and then glanced at Levi with a look that begged for his help. He nodded for me to remove my shirt. With shaking hands I reached down and began to slowly lift my top.

  Suddenly, Levi lunged forward, and in two quick steps, the heal of his foot began striking vigorously at Jimmy’s throat knocking him backwards out of his chair. Before I could comprehend what had happen Levi had the gun and was shoving it down Jimmy’s throat, pinning him to the ground with his foot. I could hear Jimmy gurgle helplessly as James
moved forward and began repeatedly striking Perry the Platypus Boy in the face.

  “Go to the car Chelsea,” Levi instructed calmly. I quickly turned to escape through the door. Just before leaving I got a glimpse of Levi that made my body turn cold. He was shoving the gun further down Jimmy’s throat with a smile of pleasure on his face.

  I ran to the car and threw myself in, quickly locking all the doors. I pulled my legs to my chest and tried to slow my rapid breathing. I sat like that for five unbearable minutes. Bryce was the first to exit the house. His face looked vacant as he avoided eye contact with me.

  “What happened?” I asked him as his body slunk down in the back seat.

  He fixed his stare out the window and away from the garage, “Why don’t you ask your boyfriend,” he said sounding disgusted and still not looking at me.

  Levi and James got into the car minutes later. Levi reached across me to open the glove compartment and tossed the gun inside. He pulled the car back onto the road, traveling with more speed than was probably safe. Nobody said anything as we drove back toward the river. I kept my gaze focused on the road, avoiding Levi’s eyes.

  My mind was tumbling over what had just happened, my stomach clenching each time the image of Levi’s sadistic smile flashed in my thoughts. This relationship is out of control, I decided. In all my life I hadn’t been in as many dangerous situations as I had in the past two weeks with Levi. Granted it was my fault for making him take me today, but still. I needed to be smart and end this before I got into some kind of trouble that I couldn’t get out of. I knew that would be the right thing to do, but simultaneously I recognized that I wasn’t strong enough. The reality was that I would stay with Levi until he ended it, that being without him would be more excruciatingly painful than anything I cared to imagine.

  Levi pulled the car to side of the road about a mile from Noah’s cabin. He retrieved the gun from the glove compartment, got out of the car, and started walking purposefully toward the river. I swung my door open to climb out.

  “Don’t move!” James commanded.

  “Screw you!” I shouted back at him as I ran to catch up with Levi.

  When I reached his side he smiled at me and slowed his pace slightly, “You gonna look at me now?” he asked lightly.

  “What are you doing?” I asked walking quickly to keep up with him.

  “I’ve got to get rid of this,” he answered. We walked on the thin winding trail, which eventually led to a steep cliff about fifty feet above the rapidly flowing river. Levi pulled off his shirt, my eyes flashing on his chest. The three red marks from the safety pins looked on fire. He wiped the gun carefully with his shirt.

  I stopped him just before he was about to heave it into the river, “Wait!” he looked at me, confused, “At least take the bullets out. So some little kid doesn’t shoot himself in the foot.”

  He nodded, and held the gun over the cliff, letting the bullets fall to the water below. Levi wiped the gun clean for a second time and with his shirt wrapped around the gun’s handle he heaved it toward the water. I watched the gun splash into the river. I wondered if it would sink to the bottom to become covered in algae like a rock or would it be carried out to the ocean by the current, drifting to shore on a beach next to Conner’s lost surfboard.

  We turned to look at each other, neither of us speaking. I reached out and lightly traced my finger over the swollen red marks that puckered like tiny raspberries on his chest. After a moment, he grabbed my wrist and pulled my body to his. I rested my head against him. His body felt hot and was moist with perspiration. I could hear his breathing. It was more rapid than usual.

  “Chelsea, I couldn’t let him disrespect you like that. I am so sorry…” he began.

  “Don’t say it!” I interrupted, pulling myself away so I could look him in the eyes, “No more apologies. It was my fault. You warned me not to go.”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “Stop!” I said, putting my hand to his mouth, “Let’s just pretend like that never happened? Okay?” All I wanted to do was forget that any of it had ever happened. I wanted to pretend like that miserable garage didn’t even exist.

  “Whatever you say,” he reached his hand out to stroke the side of my face, “You’re the boss.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, as if.

  When we reached Noah’s cabin, Bryce and James scampered out of the car, neither of them looking at me. I asked Levi to drive me home; he tried halfheartedly to convince me otherwise, but gave in without much of a fight. Despite the little wrinkle in their plan, James had managed to take a sheet of acid tabs the size of a legal document, which I assumed by the look on Bryce’s face, was a lot. I thought I should get out of there before somebody at the party mistook me for a two headed dragon or worse.

  “I feel bad leaving you here,” Levi said in his velvety voice as we pulled up to my house.

  “That’s okay. Have fun and keep the self mutilation to a minimum, would you?” I replied lightly.

  He reached over to kiss me, “Next time we hang out, how about you plan the itinerary?”

  “Sounds good. I just hope you won’t fall asleep from boredom.”

  “Hmm… You’d better wear something very low-cut, just to be safe,” he winked at me.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I smiled. Would my stomach always flutter when he said stuff like that, I wondered, as I climbed out of the car.

  14

  If you think that witnessing Levi force a gun down the throat of a perverted crack addict would be enough to change my feelings for him, then you haven’t been paying attention. I was so beyond obsessed with Levi, so totally infatuated, that I let the whole harrowing event nuzzle itself into the recesses of my brain, only come to out in my nightmares. In fact, I considered the next three weeks, two days with Levi to be perfect.

  He took me out every night to places that Montecito High boys wouldn’t even know about. We went to the symphony, to the opera, to fancy restaurant that served course after course of dishes with names I couldn’t pronounce. Levi planed elaborate dates in San Francisco that involved sail boat rides, and candle lit meals under the stars. He brought me to dark, smoke filled clubs where jazz music played and smart looking people sat around drinking muddy coffee and wine the color of blood. And each night, after getting me home in time for my parents to see him kissing me goodnight at the doorstep, Levi would sneak back in through my open window. I would fall asleep in his arms. Through all of it, I felt like I was dreaming. How did I get so lucky?

  I spent all of my time that I wasn’t with Levi or at Yogurt Heaven with Conner. Due to the fact it was hotter than hell in Santa Juanita, we mainly floated around in my backyard pool, talking. We spent a lot of time making plans for the documentary film we were going to produce. It was going to be like The Office, only with real people and it would take place at the mall’s food court. We had plenty of material as I worked there, and Conner kept me company on most of my solo shifts. We were sure that Ronda from the Taco Bell and Frankie from the Orange Julius would be the Jim and Pam in our documentary.

  Conner and I also did a lot of art together. We’d carry our sketch books around, stopping whenever one of us was feeling inspired. I marveled at what would arouse Conner’s attention: a broken bottle that the light hit just right, a wild flower coming up through a crack in the dirty sidewalk, even the scabs on the inside of my palms.

  I guess I probably shouldn’t have been so naive, but since he never said anything about it, I just assumed that Levi didn’t mind all the time I was spending with Conner. And even though I told Conner all about the expedition for acid and the safety pins, he said he would support me as long as I was happy, which I was. Maybe the second hand crack smoke I’d inhaled at the garage made me delusional, but I began to feel like I’d scored a perfect ten in both the boyfriend and friend department. But since when is anything ever perfect?

  15

  I was sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter as my mom went over all
the phone numbers for a third time. My parents were going on a National Parks tour, culminating in a hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I know, it sounds like a freaking nightmare, right? Can you believe they actually pay money for that kind of torture? They would be gone for almost two and half weeks and were leaving me to fend for myself.

  “So who was it I’m supposed to call if snakes start climbing out of my mouth and my head begins spinning around?” I asked sarcastically.

  “If you don’t think you can handle this maturely Chelsea, I’m sure you could come with us,” she replied. I knew it was an empty threat. She would have eaten a live dog before having to hear my bitching and moaning all the way down and up the giant canyon.

  “I’ve got it mom. No worries,” I said patting her reassuringly on the shoulder.

  “Yeah, well, I think those were your sister’s exact words right before she had the party that still gets me dirty looks from the neighbors.”

  I helped my parents out to the car, loading their suitcases into the trunk, and hoping for their sake they’d rented a pack mule. “Don’t fall,” I said as I waved goodbye, “I hear it’s a really deep hole.”

  Back in the house, I began preparing for Levi’s arrival. It was going to be the first time that we could spend the whole night together, uninterrupted by my parents and the necessity for him to sneak in and out of my window. I had big plans. I was going to make lasagna, a recipe I’d gotten from Conner’s Italian grandma. After dinner we’d have a romantic swim under the stars. Then I’d force him to watch my favorite Woody Allen movie, Annie Hall, which I was sure he would like if he’d give it half a chance.

  Making the lasagna was more difficult, and hot, than I had anticipated which, if I didn’t want to smell, would require a change of clothes. I called Levi, to find out how soon he’d be at my house. After four rings, my call was sent to voice mail. I forced myself to not over-think it. He wasn’t screening my call, he was just away from his phone, I rationalized.