Messed Up Page 6

  “I made reservations at a place in Taliesin. They have this amazing guitar player that I want you to hear. You may even reconsider your diagnosis of my sanity.”

  Taliesin was a small and picturesque town in the wine country. Getting there involved a very steep and winding road and took about forty-five minutes, a journey I was typically weary of due to my tendency toward carsickness. But that night, I would have driven to China and back, if it meant spending time with Levi. I would have endured as much nausea as my body was willing to throw at me. All I could think about was him.

  The restaurant was in a garden outside of The Hotel Taliesin. Both the lattice surrounding the small dining area as well as the pergola overhead, were covered in vines that dripped with white fragrant flowers. Intertwined in the vines were small lights. Each of the dozen or so tables were adorned with a collection of votive candles that sparkled gently. The whole restaurant seemed to be twinkling. The waitress led us to a small table in the corner. Across the patio, the guitar player Levi had referred to was playing gently, while several couples danced nearby. Levi was right, the music was beautiful.

  We both ordered roast chicken with polenta from the waitress and settled into easy conversation. Eventually our talk turned to friendships.

  “So tell me about Hannah,” Levi asked.

  I paused for a moment wondering how he knew to ask, “She is the closest person to me, outside of my family. Actually probably closer than my family, because I tell her everything,” I answered, knowing I was massively understating her importance in my life, “She moved to Scotland about three weeks ago.”

  “Bryce said you guys were inseparable. Conjoined twins, I think was his description.”

  “I am a little wary of your informant. But yes we were together a lot.”

  “So you must really miss her,” he said with what seemed like sincere concern.

  “You have no idea,” I replied, beginning to feel tears well in my eyes. He looked at me like he was waiting for me to say more, “I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but you know how you have certain friends for certain things. Like the person you call when you’re depressed or the person you go to because they are just easy to be around, or those friends who can really make you laugh?” I asked, hoping he understood what I meant. He nodded slightly, and I went on, “Hannah was all of those people for me. I never thought I’d need anyone else. And now that she’s gone. Even when I’m around other people, I just feel really lonely.” By this point the tears in my eyes had spilled over and were rolling down my cheeks.

  Levi reached out and rubbed away each tear with his thumb, “I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend that I would cry over if they moved away,” he said.

  “I bet you don’t cry as much as me, so that’s not a good reference point,” I said smiling, now embarrassed.

  “That’s probably true, but how does it go? Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all,” he smiled back.

  “Ah, very philosophical, Lord Tennyson. What about you? Who are you close to?” I asked.

  “Nobody really,” he said looking very solemn. Just then the food came and Levi quickly changed the subject. I considered bringing it up again, but I thought I’d wait for another moment.

  When we’d finished eating, Levi asked me to dance. Normally I would have shuttered at such a public display, but the thought of being close to him made me quickly jump at his request. He held my hand as he walked me to the small make-shift dance floor. He pulled me close to his body; his hands on my waist, mine around his neck. I could feel his hard chest against my body. I had no trouble imagining what his chest would look like under his shirt. He looked down at me smiling and whispered in my ear, “Do you feel lonely now?”

  “Yeah, I really wish Hannah was here,” I joked.

  “How kinky,” he winked and we both started laughing.

  Dancing with Levi, my body tightly tucked into his, in the dim light of that warm summer night, was like something I’d dreamed. As the smell of sweet flowers and the melodic rhythm of the acoustic guitar swept over me, I knew I was having one of those moments that would forever be impressed upon my memory; a moment that seemed both surreal and yet extraordinarily real in the same instance. It was that evening, that very moment actually, that I realized I was already in way over my head with Levi. I knew that he would bring me pain, that tears would fall because he forgot to call or stood me up or worse, much worse. I knew that I would lose sleep while recounting every little thing he said or didn’t say. At that precise instant I knew all of this, but I didn’t care. I would take all the pain with just the hope of having another moment as perfect.

  The car was warm as we drove back over the mountain for home. We spent most of the ride laughing at our friends and teachers. Levi had me cracking up with his hilarious impersonations. My favorite was a voice he assigned to his English teacher, a man he called Frodo, for his small and hobbit-like stature. Frodo was always on Levi’s case for something, but every story ended with Levi humiliating his teacher in front of the class, and Frodo dashing from the room.

  When we reached the summit of the mountain, Levi pulled his car to the side of the road, “I want to show you something,” he said with a smile.

  We got out of the car and Levi quickly took my hand and began leading me up the side of a small hill. I stopped him about halfway up, “I swear to God, Levi, there better not be any black masks involved in this,” I hoped to sound like I was joking but the thought had crossed my mind. Maybe this was all a trick. Could it really be possible that I’d been having an amazing date with someone as seemingly perfect as Levi?

  “You’re not going to let me forget that, are you,” he replied, still pulling me up the hill.

  “Not likely.”

  “I guess I deserve it.”

  When we made it to the top of the hill, I froze. Spreading out before us was the entire valley below, covered in the sparkling lights of the city. The edge of the mountain dropped off at a steep cliff, and we were there, at the edge of a massive precipice, me and Levi on top, with world below.

  “I can’t believe I’ve never been up here before,” I said, almost whispering as we sat down on a fallen tree, “This is incredible.”

  We were quiet for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of crickets chirping; staring out at the night. Levi swung his leg over the log so he was facing me, “What’s your biggest fear?” he asked curiously.

  I moved to face him, “Are you talking like spiders and snakes?” I clarified.

  “Sure.”

  “Well, I have terrible claustrophobia. So I guess my worst fear would be to be stuck in a small space, where I couldn’t move.” I could feel my heart race a little at the thought. “When I was a kid I saw this episode of the Twilight Zone, I think it gave me a serious mental scar.”

  “Must’ve been a good episode. What was it about?” he asked.

  “There was this lady who was in prison for killing somebody. She made friends with the caretaker guy who made the coffins for the prison,”

  “Sound plausible,” Levi smiled.

  “Anyway... They made a plan that she would get in the coffin the next time someone died and then the caretaker would dig her up once she’d been buried in the graveyard outside of the prison’s walls. So she’s in the coffin with a dead body, thinking she’s made a great escape, and after a while her curiosity gets the best of her. She lights a match to see who’s in the coffin with her…”

  “And it’s the caretaker,” Levi guessed.

  “Hey, I know it may sound predictable, but isn’t that freaky?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’d have to be scared of dying for that to freak me out,” he said seriously.

  “You're not afraid to die?” I asked skeptically.

  “Nope.”

  “Liar.”

  “Believe what you want, but I have no fears, including death”

  “That is bullshit, everyone is scared of something,” I said incr
edulously.

  “Think about it, if I’m not scared of dying how can any fear be rational? Everything people are scared of boils down to fear of death. I’m not scared of that, so there you have it.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t quite get my mind around a counter argument. Finally I said, “Fine, but I’m gonna think of something.”

  “I’m confident you’ll try,” he grinned.

  I took Levi’s hand, feeling suddenly brave, and began to trace it with my finger, thinking. I could feel his eyes on my face. He used his free hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I looked up suddenly, “Terrorists?”

  “Nope.”

  “Natural disasters, like a tsunami that wipes out your whole family?”

  “You give my family too much credit. No.”

  “Serial killers? Vampires? Bad hair days?”

  “Not even. Fictional. And impossible, my hair is always perfect,” he winked.

  “Well that is true,” I conceded, smiling.

  “Chelsea,” Levi said now serious, “Can I kiss you?” Before I had the chance to respond, he put one finger in front of my lips, “Yes or no? No witty or sarcastic remarks for once,” he smiled.

  I nodded my head, yes, and slowly Levi leaded toward me. He stopped for just a split second, about an inch from my face to look into my eyes, his hand moving to cup my face. Then, his soft lips pressed against mine. I could feel the blood in my body surge and the butterflies do their interpretive dance as he carefully kissed me. First quickly and then longer, as he let his tongue delicately touch my bottom lip. Soft, simple kisses, on my lips, face and then to my ear, where he whispered my name.

  8

  I lay in my bed that night listening to my new iPod and fantasizing about the most heavenly kiss of my life. I wished that I could press the replay button on the whole night and do it again and again, in just the same way. I thought about how impossible it was going to be to pass each minute without him, wondering when he would call. I forced myself not to dwell on the possibility that he wouldn’t.

  I finally fell asleep and had my first, in what would become a long series of disturbing nightmares. The dream began as I scrambled up an impossibly steep hill. As I struggled to take a few steps forward, I would invariably fall back down the incline. I could sense the presence of someone behind me, following me. When I turned back, all I could see was blackness, but I knew he was there. I could hear him at my back. As I struggled, my feet began to dig into the side of the hill, ripping it with huge gashes. From the fissure, slime covered pieces of refuse spilled out, making it even harder to move forward. At the top of the hill I could see Toby. He was holding his hands up at me, and blood was pouring from the center of his palms and splashing in puddles at his feet. Suddenly, there was a stabbing, burning pain in the small of my back. It felt like my spine was being forcibly bent backward, cracking me in two.

  I flung myself up in bed. Cold sweat covered my arms and torso. Shivering, I reached to flip on my light. My heart was racing as I got up and found the black hoodie I had borrowed from Levi. I pulled it over my head. A flash of light caught my attention from the corner of my eye. My heart jumped. It was just the curtain stirring in the night’s breeze. I quickly shut the window, taking care to lock it securely. I returned to my bed. I left my light on as I lay looking up at the ceiling, trying to calm myself down, but something was bothering me. Something just beyond my grasp was nagging at me, keeping me from relaxing.

  It hit me like smack in the face. I had closed the window before I went to sleep. I was positive that I had. I remembered clearly thinking, almost nostalgically, about when Levi had climbed through the window, as I’d slid it shut. The fact it had been opened made every nerve in my body tingle anxiously. Who had been in my room while I was sleeping? My stomach dropped. Could they still be here?

  I felt like a scared child as I slowly walked over to my closet and flung open the door. Just clothes. I checked under my bed as a precaution, although I was fairly sure nobody could realistically fit under there. I locked my bedroom door and turned on my TV. I needed some background noise, or I would really start overreacting. I decide to email Hannah, hoping it might calm me down. It almost did too, until my cell phone rang, startling me to the point where I nearly screamed.

  I grabbed the phone, “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  Ah that sweet voice. “Levi! Oh my God I am so freaking scared right now! I think somebody has been in my room,” I knew I sounded ridiculous, but I was relieved, on several levels, to hear his voice.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked sounding only mildly concerned. I explained what had happened, but he seemed unconvinced that I hadn’t left the window open in the first place.

  “So I guess you don’t mind if I get cut into a thousand small pieces by some homicidal maniac?” I said, his calm having had an effect on me.

  “No, that would bother me. Remember I’m supposed to be the psychopathic killer?”

  “Well then you may have some competition.”

  “Aren’t you wondering why I’m calling you in the middle of the night?”

  “Yeah, and aren’t you supposed to wait a minimum of three days to call after a date? I think I read that in Seventeen last month.”

  “I must have missed that article,” he laughed, “I was actually just driving home from Bryce’s house and I noticed your light was on.”

  “Translation: you were stalking me?” I asked sarcastically.

  “Pretty much. I’m actually sitting in front of your house right now. Kinda hoping that you might want me to come up there and check things out. You know, protect you from the predator hiding in your closet.”

  “He’s not in the closet, I already checked. But, yes come up quickly, before he starts slicing.”

  The phone clicked off, and in less time then seemed possible for human movement I heard tapping on my window.

  “You’re still alive,” he joked as he climbed in, “That was close.”

  “You’re telling me,” he took my hand and we sat down on the bed together, “Don’t your parents ever wonder where you are?” I asked, this occurring to me for the first time. It seemed strange to think that Levi even had parents. Did mythical creatures have parents?

  “They are so narcissistic; they avoid thinking about me unless I am needed for some social function,” Levi changed the conversation swiftly, “Nice hoodie, by the way.”

  “Do you like it? This incredibly hot guy let me borrow it. I don’t think I’m going to give it back anytime soon though,” I said, my adrenaline rush from earlier had left me feeling very ballsy.

  Levi grabbed the collar of the sweatshirt and pulled me gently toward him. He kissed me, this time slightly more aggressively. I let my hand find the back of his neck. His hands came around my body and pulled me closer to him. After the kiss ended we hugged and Levi said quietly, “I’m so lucky I met you.”

  “I’m glad you were so lucky,” I said smiling at him.

  “Can we get in your bed and just cuddle for a little bit?” he asked quietly. I nodded, because speaking is never easy with a heart that is fluttering like a hummingbird with ADHD. We climbed under the covers of my bed and I laid my head on his hard chest. We intertwined our fingers. I could feel Levi kiss my head gently. As I lay there looking at his strong hand laced around my own, I just kept thinking how gloriously unanticipated Levi’s presence in my life was. Could my life really be turning out this insanely perfect?

  We talked quietly for a while. Levi spoke in a low methodical voice, as he told me about his favorite books, music, and movies. I could feel my eyelids becoming heavy, and although I demanded that they remain open, wanting to hear every single detail about this amazing guy, I eventually let them softly shut. I felt warm in his arms, my head rising subtly up and down with his breath. I fell into a deep sleep.

  I woke up the next morning to find myself alone in bed. There was a note on my desk that read:

  Ge
t a ride to work tonight. I’ll pick you up after closing.

  Glad you’re still in one amazingly perfect piece. -Levi.

  I smiled hugely to myself and did a little silent jumping around the room to celebrate.

  When my mom dropped me off at the yogurt shop, I found that I was working with Bryce Fanning. For once his presence didn’t cause me to roll my eyes and groan. His connection to Levi had given him with a new and improved status in my mind. Plus, there was the distinct possibility that we might even have the opportunity to talk about Levi, which seemed like a benefit as he was all that I could think about.

  We didn’t have much time for talking though; Yogurt Heaven was actually busy for the first time in a decade. We had a steady stream of customers forking over their hard earned cash for obscenely sized portions of frozen confections. I knew I’d be picturing strawberry yogurt with rainbow gummy bears every time I closed my eyes for a week.

  Things finally began to slow down, and I hurried around straightening up the shop so we wouldn’t have much to do for closing. Bryce, in contrast, pulled out a magazine which seemed equally dedicated to cars as to the scantily clothed women on top of them. He leaned against the counter reading. After restocking the carob chips and gum balls, I finally gave into my overwhelming desire to discuss the subject of Levi.

  I casually stood next to Bryce, trying to look uninterested, “So, you hung out with Levi last night?” I said as more of a statement than a question.

  “No,” he replied not looking up from his magazine.

  “Really, but he said...”

  “Oh,” Bryce looked up, startled, “Yeah, I mean. Chelsea, don’t distract me when I’m reading,” he went back to looking at his magazine, but his face looked a little strange, almost scared, “We hung out, okay.”

  Why so defensive, Bryce? “No big deal. Enjoy your little testosterone fest.”